‘How to Operate the New Eco-Protect Five-in-One Climate Control Apparatus’ was shortlisted for the 2022 Commonwealth Short Story Prize.

Welcome, Mr Kituma. Thank you for the acquisition. You can call me Wendy, your user manual on how to operate the New Eco-Protect Five-In-One Climate-Control Apparatus v2050. 

Please press the red button on your screen to access your free guide elaboration. 

Thank you, Mr Kituma.  

The New Eco-Protect Five-In-One Climate-Control Apparatus v2050 is a family-focused and community-oriented appliance brought to you by Alpha to Omega Industries. The home-installed hardware comes in a simple white and silver, steel and concrete, retro, minimalistic design, housing the latest innovative, cutting-edge technology. It’s easy on the eye and easier to use. The Apparatus offers a wide range of services, all auto-piloted to ensure a stress-free experience for our members.  

At Alpha to Omega, our vision is to restore the habitable earth to its original climatic zones. We operate under the Green Promise Accord as part of our continued commitment to the betterment of our planet. We seek to undertake innovative solutions to undo the harm and inactivity past centuries inflicted upon us. We believe in having the courage to overcome the shortcomings of our ancestors before the Macroclimate Disaster and building a new world founded on kindness, love and tomorrow. Alpha to Omega Industries strives to revive the beauty of our planet, and we can do this with you. Together we can work to preserve, promote and protect our planet. 

End of elaboration. Please insert your credit card details to access your installation guidelines. Please note, the payment plan is currently unavailable in shillings. Proceed with either an American Dollar or Japanese Yen plan. 

Thank you, Mr Kituma. 

No, Mr Kituma, the acquisition fee covers the cost of the apparatus and is independent of the installation fee. The installation enables you to run the New Eco-Protect Five-In-One Climate-Control Apparatus v2050 seamlessly. 

Thank you, Mr Kituma.  

Your basic plan covers the following services, synced to provide 24-hour eco-protection for the whole family. Please note, supplementary over-the-top services are available upon request.  

Number one: the On-location Air Purification System. 

For only $0.99, press the button on your screen to start the installation process. 

With our citywide remote location system, you and your loved ones are in position to receive filtered air anywhere. The New Eco-Protect Five-In-One Climate-Control Apparatus v2050 has been designed to understand the value of family. The need to nurture our families and provide the best for them is at the heart of our operations.  

 I have taken the liberty to acquaint myself with the results reportage on your family’s surveillance. The On-location Air Purification System is to ensure that Mrs Kituma, Dan, Kirabo and yourself are protected from air pollutants through airborne particle control. The system is currently being installed.  

Please note that this service is currently unavailable to Dan as he is presently off-grid. This raises questions of potential latency. There is a 24.8 percent probability of Dan partaking in subversive activities against the State or Corporations. Please note that this places him on the terrorist watchlist for the safety of our community. He will be liable for any terrorism-related behaviour or violence-associated activity and prosecution will be due. He may be prosecuted for any terrorism-related activity or associated violence. 

No, Mr Kituma. The percentage of persons prosecuted for terrorism-related activity from the terrorist watchlist is 2.3 percent over the last five years.  

According to Clause 5.8 of the Universal Charter on the Protection of the State and Corporations, terrorism-related activity shall be taken to include volatility, extreme anger expression, altercations and verbal and physical dissonance and shall be reviewed on a case-by-case basis. Also to note is that Dan’s interaction, while still a Level-1 minor, with renegade outfits that have caused system blackouts shall be taken into consideration in any investigation that may ensue. 

Thank you, Mr Kituma. 

The On-Location Air Purification System is successfully installed. 

Number two: the Clean Water Dispensation and Home Irrigation System. 

For only $1.99, please press the button on your screen to start the installation process. 

The New Eco-Protect Five-In-One Climate-Control Apparatus v2050 comes with Clean Water Dispensation. With this feature, clean and safe water is made available to you and your loved ones at home and even outdoors.  

You can also make use of the water dispensing trenches provided by Alpha to Omega Industries throughout the city. Due to the scarcity of safe water as a life resource, extending this service to Uncovered Parties is prohibited and shall attract a penalty depending on the gravity of the offence.  

The Clean Water Dispensation and Home Irrigation System feature also includes an irrigation kit that will be especially useful to Mrs Kituma as a model fruit-cage farmer. The irrigation water is pH-balanced and loaded with nutrients that are imperative to the growth of plants for the market. The specially-crafted irrigation water also revitalizes the soil for optimum protection and restoration of the earth. Alpha to Omega Industries exercises a first-buy option to the farms that make use of the irrigation kit technology. Please note that produce will not be viable for domestic consumption and shall be made available on our market platforms after necessary procedures have been undertaken.  

Thank you, Mr Kituma. 

Installation of the Clean Water Dispensation and Home Irrigation System is complete. 

Number three: the Sunlight-Focusing Summer System and Remote Ultra Air-Conditioning. 

For only $19.99, please press the button on your screen to start the installation process. 

Due to the absence of sunlight in various parts of the habitable earth, Alpha to Omega Industries has, through its Space Revolution Labs, made available to our members its Sunlight-Focusing Summer System, using sustainable technology.  This system concentrates the sun’s rays to your home and is designed to provide our members and their families with the best our planet has to offer. The Sunlight-Focusing Summer System together with Remote Ultra Air-Conditioning enable temperature monitoring and correction to protect you and your loved ones wherever you may be. With this feature, you are invited to enjoy the light and warmth of your family.  

Please note, Mrs Kituma will not be covered on Thursday afternoons due to recurrent inseparable contact with an Uncovered Party. 

Interruption noted. 

Please wait; your input will be received at the conclusion of this output. 

Thank you, Mr Kituma. 

We recommend acquisition of the New Eco-Protect Five-In-One Climate-Control Apparatus v2050 to Uncovered Parties. You may also take on the Family Plus plan that will not only cover your immediate family but auxiliary loved ones as well.  

I’m sorry, Mr Kituma. I’m not at liberty to discuss these details. The Basic Family Plan only covers your immediate family, and information regarding anyone outside this plan is unavailable.  

Please feel free to sign up with Hearts Incorporated services from Alpha to Omega Industries for related services. A free trial is available under your account. 

Please proceed. 

Trial successfully processed. 

Welcome to Hearts Incorporated, Mr Kituma. You can call me Cupid. Let’s spread love. 

Cupid says thank you, Mr Kituma. The periodic contact between Mrs Kituma and the Uncovered Party has been noted for a total of 216 days since first contact and two days since last contact. 

Those particulars are only available to premium members. 

Words not processed, Mr Kituma. Clarification needed. 

End of free trial. For more on the life-changing services of Hearts Incorporated, please subscribe to the service. Let’s spread love. 

Cupid says ciao. 

It’s Wendy, Mr Kituma. I’m back. 

Installation of The Sunlight-Focusing Summer System and Remote Ultra-Air-Conditioning is complete. 

Thank you, Mr Kituma. 

Number four: the Snow, Drainage and Flood Mitigation System. 

For only $29.99, please press the button on your screen to start the installation process. 

Due to unanticipated snowfall in three of the last five years in the East African region, the new Eco-Protect Five-In-One Climate-Control Apparatus v2050 includes a snow-melting structure for these occurrences. The Apparatus will be able to provide enough heat for your property and surroundings both indoors and outdoors during such circumstances. In case of sudden rains and flooding, as is common in the region, our drainage and flood mitigation system will help you drain any excess water from your property. You shall also be eligible for our Five-Minute Emergency Extraction Plan in case you encounter heavy flooding in an unideal location. In accordance with our Positive Practice and Disclosure Policy, please note that excess flooding is directed to original wetlands inhabited by unsubscribed communities. 

The Snow, Drainage and Flood Mitigation System has been successfully installed. 

Thank you, Mr Kituma. 

Number five: the Source Reduction and Reuse plus Domestic Pollution and Waste Management System. 

For only $39.99, please press the button on your screen to start the installation process. 

As part of the New Eco-Protect Five-In-One Climate-Control Apparatus v2050, Alpha to Omega Industries offers a pioneering Source Reduction and Reuse Service together with a Domestic Pollution and Waste Management System. As a member of the Alpha to Omega industries, you are assured of ethically sourced products available on our market platforms as we stay committed to eliminating waste before its creation. This feature also provides for a Domestic Pollution and Waste Management System where the collection and recycling of waste ensures a clean, habitable space for you and your loved ones. However, the onus remains on the client to ensure compliance with the Green Promise Accord. 

Message incoming.  

Kirabo has been noted currently inhaling a prohibited paper rolled substance. Under Sections 3 and 8 of the Green Promise Accord, the use of paper and the smoking of vapour-inducing substances are prohibited and constitute criminal offences. As part of our positive policy on the restoration of the planet, we have contacted the relevant Climate Protection Authorities. As Kirabo is currently a minor of below 18 years of age, prosecution will result in temporary rehoming at a child protection facility.  

Please note, you will be eligible for a reduction in household subscription for your New Eco-Protect Five-In-One Climate-Control Apparatus in this event. Please also note, you are encouraged to use the Eco-Protect E-Cigarette that has been designed for minimal environmental impact and tested by our lead research scientists to provide the recreational benefits of smoking while not significantly increasing your carbon footprint. 

Installation of the Source Reduction and Reuse plus Domestic Pollution and Waste Management System is complete. 

Interruption noted. 

Yes, Mr Kituma. Cancellation of the New Eco-Protect Five-In-One Climate-Control Apparatus v2050 is available.  Please take note of the no refund policy as detailed in the terms and conditions at the time of purchase. 

By cancelling this service, please be guided that you are putting yourself and your loved ones, including Mrs Kituma, your son Dan and your daughter Kirabo at risk of heat, thirst, flooding, cold and other unforeseeable weather changes that may result in possible death. 

To cancel this service, please send an email to help@ecoprotect2050/com and wait in line. 

Email acknowledged, Mr Kituma. 

Please note, the processing of this email could take minutes, hours, days or months. You are number 300,652 in line. Alternatively, you can access our urgent services for only $59.99 at urgent@ecoprotect2050/com. 

Your payment is received Mr Kituma. Your email will be fast tracked for a charge of only $59.99 per hour until it is processed.  

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Please press the green button on your screen for a free self-diagnosis of the New Eco-Protect Five-In-One Climate-Control Apparatus v2050. 

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